13 Reasons Why (I chose suicide)

13  Reasons Why (I chose suicide) should be the title of the new Netflix series.  I watched the series (binge watched, as a matter of fact) because the fourteen-year-old in the house told me that he watched it.  I wanted to see the show, and after I did, I read the book.

It was a very realistic rendition of how high school can be for girls; I know that some of my teen angst was played out on the screen. Issues with girl friends, boy friends, BOYFRIENDs, teachers, parents, parties, etcetera, etcetera.  I mean, how have my experiences differed from Hannah's? 

Social Media (and yes, I know it's in caps) is the biggest difference.  We've all embarrassed ourselves.  The elastic broke on my underpants in the 10th grade at band practice.  I was at a private school, so my uniform skirt did nothing to keep my underwear in place.  Straight down to the floor they went.  In front of a boy that I liked.  Yeah.  Thankfully, he laughed, I laughed, and was able to go to the restroom and tie my underwear together without anyone else noticing (at least I hope so). No pictures were taken and spread all over school.  Now, the picture taken of Hannah was fairly innocuous.  I mean, at least her panties were clean.  Having it all over school is embarrassing, and I don't know how I would have frankly handled it.  Hannah, however, should have laughed it off.  She had many opportunities to do that and instead, chose to harbor it as a grudge instead of 1) taking it as it was, and 2) reporting to the school authorities.  It would have stopped right there, but she chose to do neither.

Are Hannah's choices to do nothing throughout high school or even avoid direct confrontation with the majority of her bullies her fault or is it the high school culture?  I'm saying both.  I first tried to kill myself in the 11th grade.  It was over a ridiculous reason, I can't even really remember why--I do know that I took a handful of Tylenol, locked myself in the bathroom with my dog, and sat there until my grandmother came upstairs to look for me.  Not necessarily an attempt, but more of a cry for help.  Attempts 2, 3, and 4 (18, 19, 23 years-old respectively) were also more cries for help than actual attempts.  What really did damage was my tendency to cut.  I felt so angry or sad or depressed, or even felt nothing, that cutting my body somewhere was like helping a volcano to explode.  A huge relief in pressure.  I continued to cut up until 2016, when I realized that my children were being directly affected by my actions.  My son, for Mother's Day, bought me a semi-colon tattoo for my wrist and this has been my reminder that my life is worth more than I think.

Hannah had opportunity to talk, but like most of us, the feelings are just too difficult to put into words.  You sound like you're blaming when you're trying to explain.  Hannah had plenty of reasons and plenty of people to blame--but she also had plenty of opportunity to act.  She missed those opportunities and continued to harbor resentments that grew into something that was bigger than she was.  Her anger at others turned inward and she began to blame herself for not only her shortcomings, but the shortcomings and criminal activities of others.  Unfortunately for Hannah, there was plenty of blame to go around. 

Hannah's sexual assault and that of Jessica were two of her 13 reasons why.  I can only say that if you are sexually assaulted, you have to find the words to tell.  It is hard for girls and women; we are blamed for being attacked because of clothes, attitudes, and situations.  Stop means stop, no means no, and if you try to get away, that is a definitive NO.  Again, Hannah had plenty of opportunity to tell and could not find the words. 

13 Reasons Why is an great example of an unreliable narrator. We discovered that Zach didn't throw out Hannah's note, that she stopped going to the coffee bar, and she misrepresented, in her mind, looks from Clay which were meant to get her attention, but she felt he was blaming her somehow.  Clay is also unreliable--we are getting his interpretation of a dead girl's feelings without knowing the entire story.  The Netflix series embellishes much of what happens, turning it into much more than it should have been.

Hannah's story should have been about sexual assault, cyber-bullying, high school drama, and minor misunderstandings.  I wish the series storyline had stayed a bit closer to the book's.  The entire "get rid of Clay" storyline is irrelevant to the story at hand.  Suicide is a selfish act.  It is an act of misunderstanding, of self-hate, of relief in some ways, and a lack of understanding of the finality of death.  Take it from someone who knows.  It's never an answer and there are alternate solutions to every problem.

http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/03/opinions/13-reasons-why-gets-it-wrong-henick-opinion/index.html